The Toxic Attraction Between an Empath & a Narcissist.
When it comes to narcissists, all signs point to one universal trait: a narcissist is wounded. More often than not, it’s some event from a person’s childhood that causes them to feel worthless and unappreciated at some point in life, and make them constantly seek out validation.
And along come the empaths, the healers. An empath has the ability to sense and internalize other people’s pain, and often take it as though it were their own. If an empath is not consciously aware of boundaries and ways to protect themselves, they may very easily form a bond with a narcissist, as a way to try and compensate for any damage and attempt to eliminate all their pain.
What empaths fail to accept is that narcissists are takers. A kind of vampire that sucks energy. They can draw the life and soul out of anyone they come in contact with. This is a way for them to stock up on reserves and use this imbalance to their own advantage.
This dynamic can confuse and debilitate an empath, since by not fully understanding their own and other people’s abilities, they fail to realize that not everyone is like them. An empath will always put himself in another person’s shoes and will try to feel what other people are feeling, thinking and intending, at the same time forgetting that people might have a different agenda, and not everyone is honest.
The narcissist has manipulation on their agenda, and it’s essential that they’re in a position from whence they can exercise control and rise above others. The empath’s agenda is to love, heal and care. There is no balance between the two, and ever finding it is highly unlikely. The more love and affection an empath gives, the more powerful and in control the narcissist becomes, the more likely that the empath will retreat in the role of the victim. And very soon, a change happens and the empath starts taking on narcissistic traits since he too become wounded, and are constantly provoked by the abuse of being in the environment the narcissist creates. A long and vicious circle starts to spin.
When a narcissist sees that an empath is wounded, they will use this to keep them down. The more unhappy the empath becomes, the happier the narcissist will feel. An empath will begin to frantically seek for love, validation, support and acceptance from a narcissist, and each try for help will only confirm that they are desperate to feel worthy.
As an empath starts focusing solely on the pain, trauma and abuse in their lives, they become self-obsessed and fail to see that there is no need for them to blame themselves, because the damage is coming from the other side.
At this point, an empath must become aware of the situation he is in, and wake up, because anyone who is badly hurt can themselves become a narcissist and become self-centered, and seek out happiness by causing others pain.
Any attempt at communicating with a narcissist is pointless, because they certainly won’t be trying to help out and heal someone else. And not only that, but they’re also very charismatic and manipulative, and have a way of turning any negativity away from themselves and towards others. A narcissist will blame their own pain on an empath, and he’ll also make sure that they feel responsible for the pain they too are suffering.
By this time, an empath should know that they are in a destructive relationship, and will feel so insecure, unloved and unappreciated that it’s easy to blame all this self-destruction on the narcissist. But an empath should not be seeking out for anyone to put the blame on. He has the choice to remain the victim, a pawn in the narcissist’s game, or gather up the courage and find a way out of it all. It will be emotionally exhausting, you’ll feel lost and debilitated, and you’ll struggle, but in the end you’ll understand what has happened to the once loving, attentive and charismatic person they used to be attracted to.
How we allow others to treat us is a result of our choices. If an empath chooses to stay in a relationship with a narcissist, and refuses to accept responsibility for the state of things, in a sense they are striving towards what they feel they deserve. An empath can’t let his self-worth be determined by a narcissist. It’s essential that they possess enough confidence and courage to see that they don’t deserve the words and actions of the narcissist. We are not responsible to fix anyone. We can’t fix anyone. Everyone is capable and responsible of fixing themselves, but only if they really want to.
The more an empath learns about the personality of a narcissist, the sooner they can spot the out and the chances of them developing a relationship are much smaller. If a relationship is already underway, it’s never too late to reach out for help, try to understand and to dig deep into one’s soul to recognize our own strengths and capabilities, and build up the courage to just walk away for good.
Narcissists are unlikely to change, so waiting around for something to happen is a waste of time. If a narcissist wants to change, that’s fantastic, but it should never be done on someone else’s expense. They aren’t consciously aware of their behavior and the damage it causes, and in their games they are capable of sacrificing anyone for their own gain, regardless of all the lies and sweet nothings they say. An empath is honest and desperate to live a life true to their soul’s purpose, and they’ll probably look on such relationships as lesions, a dodged bullet. In contrast, a narcissist will struggle to form a connection with their authentic self and they’ll most likely walk away from the relationship very easily once they see that they no longer have the ability to control the empath. If they’re not constantly having their ego caressed, the game isn’t fun anymore, and they’ll just go on their way to find their next victim.
The prospect of these two ever keeping a bond is simply impossible. The narcissist’s heart is closed, and that of the empath is open. And this is a really good recipe for a disaster.